Shameless Self Promotion

This is the place where you can conflab about all the other stuff besides videogames
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Alex79
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Alex79 »

Truk_Kurt wrote: October 20th, 2021, 11:04 am For a start I would ask for tips on what to write on your profile to attract attention.
I think it has to be something short and simple. I met my partner on a dating app, and her profile just said "I am awesome".

I sent her a message asking how awesome she was out of ten. She said ten. I said, "OK sorry, that's too awesome. I'm only really looking for an 8 or below".

And it went from there.

I mean everyone writes the same old nonsense, but if you write something short and different, I guess you're more likely to get people to ask you things. Maybe. I don't know, I'm an old man now. Or at least, that's how it feels...

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duskvstweak
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

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Truk_Kurt wrote: October 20th, 2021, 9:39 am Nice, I will give this a listen as I am desperate for help on the dating scene. Not so much the dates themselves, it's getting to the point of a date in the first place. I have had no success on both the free and paid dating apps and it's a real confidence destroyer when you try your best and never get any replies.
I had this whole paragraph with advice and everything but it really just boiled down to "don't be discouraged". I just want you to know that you have value in just being you and, even if dating and dating apps aren't going how you would like, they can't take that away from you.

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Cornelius_Smiff
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Cornelius_Smiff »

duskvstweak wrote: October 20th, 2021, 5:34 pm
Truk_Kurt wrote: October 20th, 2021, 9:39 am Nice, I will give this a listen as I am desperate for help on the dating scene. Not so much the dates themselves, it's getting to the point of a date in the first place. I have had no success on both the free and paid dating apps and it's a real confidence destroyer when you try your best and never get any replies.
I had this whole paragraph with advice and everything but it really just boiled down to "don't be discouraged". I just want you to know that you have value in just being you and, even if dating and dating apps aren't going how you would like, they can't take that away from you.
This.. All of this :)

Well said!

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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Truk_Kurt »

Thanks all, I know it shouldn't get me down but sometimes it's difficult not too sometimes.

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Marlew
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Marlew »

Kurt, no advice but just to say you're a top bloke. All the best with it.

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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Truk_Kurt »

Thanks Pal, that's very kind of you.

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Cornelius_Smiff
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Cornelius_Smiff »

Truk_Kurt wrote: October 21st, 2021, 9:15 am Thanks all, I know it shouldn't get me down but sometimes it's difficult not too sometimes.
You're a squishy human Kurt like the rest of us, you have every right to feel how you feel.

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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Truk_Kurt »

Coincidentally I did get a like of my profile yesterday from someone which is very rare, so I have sent them a message.

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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

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A miracle happened over the weekend in that for the first time ever a girl messaged me first! I've had likes before but never a message. We've been chatting a lot too, now I just need to pluck up the courage to ask her on a date. Any advice on that? Should I wait a little longer chatting with her on the app (Hinge) or take the bull by the horns? And what do you think is a good idea for a first date, just a coffee somewhere or something more interesting?

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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Cornelius_Smiff »

Truk_Kurt wrote: October 26th, 2021, 9:20 am A miracle happened over the weekend in that for the first time ever a girl messaged me first! I've had likes before but never a message. We've been chatting a lot too, now I just need to pluck up the courage to ask her on a date. Any advice on that? Should I wait a little longer chatting with her on the app (Hinge) or take the bull by the horns? And what do you think is a good idea for a first date, just a coffee somewhere or something more interesting?
I am guessing there is a vibe there? In which case tailor it to the vibe. e.g. it doesnt matter as long as the company is good.

I would say she is probably waiting for you to ask. In fact I would wager she is, in which case just ask. You're on a dating app, and seemingly getting along. It's a pefectly reasonable assumption that the next step would be a date.

I have pretty bad social anxiety, so I always like to have a phone call or some such first to break the ice. There is nothing worse than first date nerves (mine manifests as chaotic energy). Do what works for you. I do have a rule in that I tend to move to another platform first e.g. a WhatsApp etc before initiating a date, but that really is just a personal thing.

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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Truk_Kurt »

Yeah I think I might do the same with regards to taking it to another platform. We have similar interests like cinema and theatre but I 've always been advised against those as a first date which is understandable given the lack of talking.

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Simonsloth
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Simonsloth »

Hey Kurt,

That’s good news that you’re chatting a lot. You’re both on the app to date someone so I suppose if she’s interested she wouldn’t be engaging with you in the first place so I’d say you should just go for it.

I met my wife via a dating website and I was on a couple of them a few years back so went on my fair share of dates. From my own experience I learnt a lot from the stupid choices I made to try and impress. At first I booked expensive meals, made elaborate plans and often spent weeks talking to someone investing lots of time and effort only to know within minutes of meeting them in person that we weren’t a match.

If I were to give any advice it would be that meeting up early is usually sensible so you don’t invest weeks only to be disappointed by rejection or by your own awareness you aren’t a match. The first few dates I went on were ruined by my nervousness as I came across like an overexcited child and appearing overly keen. The more dates I went on the less I felt like everything was riding on that one date. So I think taking each date like practice for the right person helped me also.

Like your experience it took a lot of effort to get my first few dates on the apps but eventually once I relaxed a bit it was much more fruitful. Like the advice above thinking of a quirky question about something specific on a person’s bio can make you stand out. Also avoid hi, hey, hello etc as subject headings.

In terms of date ideas a coffee can be a bit self limiting so I tend to like things like food/drinks markets/festivals or a common interest you’ve spoken about. It should be somewhere you can talk but perhaps with something to drive conversation.

Around Christmas I loved Christmas/festive markets for dates. There’s something for everyone there but that doesn’t help for now.

You seem like a great guy Kurt so I think you’ll hit it off with someone sooner rather than later. Just don’t mention you’re a Derby fan🤣

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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Cornelius_Smiff »

Simonsloth wrote: October 26th, 2021, 2:22 pm Hey Kurt,

That’s good news that you’re chatting a lot. You’re both on the app to date someone so I suppose if she’s interested she wouldn’t be engaging with you in the first place so I’d say you should just go for it.

I met my wife via a dating website and I was on a couple of them a few years back so went on my fair share of dates. From my own experience I learnt a lot from the stupid choices I made to try and impress. At first I booked expensive meals, made elaborate plans and often spent weeks talking to someone investing lots of time and effort only to know within minutes of meeting them in person that we weren’t a match.

If I were to give any advice it would be that meeting up early is usually sensible so you don’t invest weeks only to be disappointed by rejection or by your own awareness you aren’t a match. The first few dates I went on were ruined by my nervousness as I came across like an overexcited child and appearing overly keen. The more dates I went on the less I felt like everything was riding on that one date. So I think taking each date like practice for the right person helped me also.

Like your experience it took a lot of effort to get my first few dates on the apps but eventually once I relaxed a bit it was much more fruitful. Like the advice above thinking of a quirky question about something specific on a person’s bio can make you stand out. Also avoid hi, hey, hello etc as subject headings.

In terms of date ideas a coffee can be a bit self limiting so I tend to like things like food/drinks markets/festivals or a common interest you’ve spoken about. It should be somewhere you can talk but perhaps with something to drive conversation.

Around Christmas I loved Christmas/festive markets for dates. There’s something for everyone there but that doesn’t help for now.

You seem like a great guy Kurt so I think you’ll hit it odd with someone sooner rather than later. Just don’t mention you’re a Derby fan🤣
Ha ha yes.. Leave out the Derby fandom 100% ;)

Great advice though this is. I can atest to the overexcited child and appearing keen, that is my chaotic energy that boils over. Sometimes it's come across at totally charming and adorable (apparently) and others it has scared them away.

Christmas market is a great idea! A great date I had once involved us going around the one in Nottingham, which at the time was heaving to the point of revellers being shoulder to shoulder. She clung onto me, then linked her arms into mine and eventually held my hand as we walked around. She remarked "smooth moves!" or words to that effect.

Cinema is most certainly not a first date idea I could ever recommend, because as you say the lack of talking and interaction would be minimal.

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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Truk_Kurt »

Thanks guys, it's a shame the Christmas markets aren't sooner. I will have a think if there is any other shared interests we have which could be a potential date but otherwise it might have to be a drink somewhere. I will keep you updated in the meantime.

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Marlew
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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Marlew »

With online dating, try to meet up early because the breeze can change pretty quickly. If she's interested enough to message you, she's likely interested enough to meet for a drink and see if there's a connection.

Online persona and reality are likely quite different, even for a very straightforward and friendly fella like yourself, so people want to cut through the app chit chat these days. If someone makes it through the first filter, meet up, see if they're normal, see if you fancy them and maybe take it from there.

As for date advice, polish your shoes, ask questions, don't go on monologues about yourself, and if you find her attractive then politely let her know. She's likely nervous too and she will wonder what you think about her.

Good luck with it!

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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Truk_Kurt »

First date has been organised for this upcoming Monday :)

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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

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Truk_Kurt wrote: October 28th, 2021, 1:54 pm First date has been organised for this upcoming Monday :)
Woot Woot! Good luck buddy :)

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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Cornelius_Smiff »

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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

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Truk_Kurt wrote: October 28th, 2021, 1:54 pm First date has been organised for this upcoming Monday :)
Awesome stuff

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Re: Shameless Self Promotion

Post by Truk_Kurt »

So the first date went really well I feel, I think she enjoyed it too seeing as she messaged me back before I even had chance to myself :)

We went to a nice coffee shop and were chatting for 90 minutes, the time flew by and there were no awkward silences like I have had on previous dates and I made her laugh. I'm quite taken aback, I haven't stopped thinking about her and struggled to sleep last night as my mind was racing. I can't wait to see her again!

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