Mental Health

This is the place where you can conflab about all the other stuff besides videogames
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ReprobateGamer
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Re: Mental Health

Post by ReprobateGamer »

Vent away! Being able to voice a concern somewhere that you consider safe I think is very helpful

I am going to point you towards mentalhealthgaming.com and most particularly their discord which has a dedicated channel purely to post a rant into!

And I'm with you on the expectations of people expecting thatthe choice to have a good time is to go out on the lash. There was a point 20 years ago where that was true - but I'm older, poorer, live further away from my workplace and have a family. People have different interests and it's not your failing if they do not understand that.

I wonder as well, if I'm not overstepping, if there is something you can do to ease your workload a little - it sounds like you are putting more into the job than your employer necessarily should expect ...
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Alex79
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Alex79 »

Thanks man, I'll definitely check out that link, appreciate it.

Yeah, I'm the same, 20-25 years ago I was partying every weekend, and most week nights. Doing all-nighters week in, week out, go out on a Wednesday, manage to get home on a Sunday, but I just don't want to any more. I don't like going out, these days if someone asks me to the pub or something, or worse still a night out "in town", genuinely my first feeling is anxiety at the thought of it.

And re: work, unfortunately I'm in a job where overworking seems to be seen as a badge of honour amongst colleagues. Little jokes like, "who has time for a break?" if you say you're going to the shop or something. Higher management are full of the right words, like preventing burnout and looking after yourself etc, but that just doesn't work on a daily basis. I will say I love my job, I had to work hard to get it and I want to be doing it, but the work ethic culture is just bad.
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Alex79
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Alex79 »

I did something I never thought I'd do last week. It feels kind of embarrassing talking about it, and it's not something I feel like I could tell someone 'in real life', although I know it's wrong to think like that.

I texted the Samaritans. We had a conversation over the course of the evening. I don't really know what I expected from them, but it wasn't really what I was expecting, if that even makes sense. I felt lower than low, and had spent a good while before that researching fatal overdose amounts, with more than likely no intention of going through with such a thing, but that was where my head was at.

All I can say is speaking with them helped, for that evening at least. It's been up and down since then, and I don't know who needs to hear this, but I would say to anyone who's feeling the need to to do, give them a call. It might only be a few hours reprieve, but it's a reprieve all the same.
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ratsoalbion
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Re: Mental Health

Post by ratsoalbion »

I sincerely hope you feel much more positive soon, Alex.
This will pass, I promise.
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Simonsloth
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Simonsloth »

Really sorry to hear what you’ve been going through but just shows what an amazing person you are that you've taken the time to share your experience with the Samaritans to help others. Hope things pick up for you.
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markfm007
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Re: Mental Health

Post by markfm007 »

Hope things pick up for you Alex. I was in a similar position in 2016 and also called the Samaritans. That was the tipping point for me to look into talking therapy as well, which helped further. I think the main thing is to know that people are there and that you can reach out. Makes all the difference.
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Cornelius_Smiff
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Cornelius_Smiff »

Alex79 wrote: June 22nd, 2022, 1:06 pm I did something I never thought I'd do last week. It feels kind of embarrassing talking about it, and it's not something I feel like I could tell someone 'in real life', although I know it's wrong to think like that.

I texted the Samaritans. We had a conversation over the course of the evening. I don't really know what I expected from them, but it wasn't really what I was expecting, if that even makes sense. I felt lower than low, and had spent a good while before that researching fatal overdose amounts, with more than likely no intention of going through with such a thing, but that was where my head was at.

All I can say is speaking with them helped, for that evening at least. It's been up and down since then, and I don't know who needs to hear this, but I would say to anyone who's feeling the need to to do, give them a call. It might only be a few hours reprieve, but it's a reprieve all the same.
You shouldn't feel embarassed about it, quite the opposite in fact. This was an incredibly brave thing you did my friend in just speaking about.

I was there tail end of last beginning of this year and put a belt around my neck and testing knots on my balcony, again with a more than good chance I wouldn't have done anything. But, this is where our mind takes us in such times. I'm so glad you reached out for some help and you know that we've all got your back, and I dont mean in a hollow "well if you need to talk" that you get from most people. Legit, add me on Discord or whatever if you feel it might help to vent or even shoot the shit about comic books or gaming or randomness. We've got you buddy.

I'm so sorry youre suffering and believe me when I say this, you do have people who want to listen and do care. As much as we all might be technically strangers, for all intense and purposes we are also a community and it would be a pretty weird world without your awesome posts and insights.

Look after yourself buddy, you are a good egg.
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Alex79
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Alex79 »

Thanks all, genuinely means a lot.
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duskvstweak
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Re: Mental Health

Post by duskvstweak »

Alex, I had to call our helpline back in 2020. I had never considered myself "suicidal" most of my life, even during the lower parts but that really changed over the past seven years. I realized I was going from feeling down to really thinking about it, and realizing I was spending too much time trying to convince myself NOT to. The best things that came from the phone call were a recommitment to getting myself back into therapy and realizing that the people who care about me don't want me to hide those feelings from them.
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ChanelHarding
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Re: Mental Health

Post by ChanelHarding »

I totally get where you're coming from. Having a safe space to vent and share our concerns can be incredibly helpful for our mental health. Thanks for sharing their Discord channel—it's awesome to know there are dedicated spaces for ranting and getting support. And you're absolutely right. People have different interests and expectations, and it's not our fault if they don't understand that. I can relate to feeling overwhelmed with the workload and struggling with dark thoughts. It's crucial to reach out for help as you did with the helpline. I've been there too, and it's a tough journey.
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Alabastermage
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Alabastermage »

I've had some dark nights, too, nights when everything felt like it was crumbling. What I can tell you from my own experience is that it gets better, but you've got to take steps, however small, toward getting the help you need.

Speaking of help, I used to have severe anxiety issues, and what really helped me was dbt therapy in NYC. I won't get too detailed, but it basically taught me how to deal with negative thoughts and emotions in a healthier way, reducing my anxiety significantly. So in such cases, I would recommend getting some professional help.
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duskvstweak
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Re: Mental Health

Post by duskvstweak »

Haven't been around the forum much! Partly because I haven't been playing much video games (my schedule was awful and I was exhausted most nights). But also depression was making it hard to do anything, even if it the thing I wanted to do was fun! Back in March, I hit what was the lowest point of depression in my life. I had a plan of suicide and I was 100% certain I was going to go through with it. My wife and friend had a semi-intervention and I (angrily) went to the ER and checked myself in. Long story short, I spent a week in a clinic (and a week without shoes!) and got help. It was really hammered home to me how little of this life I actually can control (almost nothing) and how to accept that and just live life. It put a lot of things in perspective and also got me on Zoloft.
This was partly cause I hated my job, hated my commute, hated where I was living, hated my money issues, etc, ect. During that week, I had a BUNCH of time to think about my past work experiences and what I actually wanted to and what I had gone to school for. I didn't need to get checked into a clinic to redo my whole resume from top to bottom, but I don't know if I would have without doing that.
I still wasn't thrilled with my life status, but Zoloft and a different view on life really made it all bearable. But back in July I was finally (I graduated in 2012) able to get a job working with video production and editing. We moved closer to that location, which is cheaper, my commute went from an hour to ten minutes and our backyard has bluejays.
I'm not saying this new job/new situation solved all my problems, but I don't think I would have even been able to get here without coming through the other side in March. Learning to just "be", getting my brain's chemistry more balanced and being able to handle sadness/depression in a healthier way were the real trick. It also helps not being on X/Meta (though I am on Instagram, but that's mostly for cooking vids), and you really learn how little of these HUGE problems and issues everyone is talking actually effects your day-to-day when you're not seeing it posted every two minutes. A while ago, Leon turned me on to Future Crunch, which turned me on to rewinding, which is my current healthy obsession. Cooking helps, because it takes my mind of things since I need to focus on what I'm doing and there's positive results at the end of the process.
TL;DR, get help before it's too late and don't be afraid to take the most drastic measures to get that help, Zoloft didn't turn me into a different person, just a more balanced me, and read Future Crunch.
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Alex79
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Alex79 »

Man, I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a tough time and glad things seem a little more positive now. Check in here more often, I can't say it'll help but it has helped me in the past. If you ever want to talk with someone totally outside of your situation never think twice about sending a message over.
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duskvstweak
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Re: Mental Health

Post by duskvstweak »

Alex79 wrote: November 9th, 2023, 9:32 pm Man, I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a tough time and glad things seem a little more positive now. Check in here more often, I can't say it'll help but it has helped me in the past. If you ever want to talk with someone totally outside of your situation never think twice about sending a message over.
It's definitely past tense, at least it has been since March. Just wanted to share in case someone else was having the same issues. Gotta use that experience for good now.
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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Truk_Kurt »

Also really sorry to hear you went through that experience but pleased to hear things sound like they have improved and moving in the right direction. I think having a job you enjoy does wonders for your mental health, I feel very fortunate to be in a job I enjoy for that reason, I also don't really have a commute as I live pretty much next door to the office but I choose to do a 30 minute walk before work to freshen up and listen to podcasts. I guess you could say that defeats the point of not having a commute, but I think it's different to a commute in a car or public transport because driving in traffic used to stress me out or relying on public transport as on a bad day both could mean you end up meaning you're late for work for factors outside your control. Whereas with my walk I know how long it will take me and is a nice way to chill before work.

I'm still trying to recover from anorexia and am nearly there but still have bad days. My main mental problem now is suffering from massive loneliness. Moving to Birmingham hasn't turned out as I expected, I thought there would be loads of opportunities to meet new people and make new friends but it hasn't turned out that way. Most people at work work from home and those in the office are busy with their families after work so don't have chance to socialise. There is a website called Meetup which is a website for local groups and I have set up football, videogames and movies groups but none have garnered any interest. So I just feel really hopeless about the whole situation and feel like no one would want to be friends with me. I know deep down that's probably not true but I can't help but have those feelings when I have put so much effort in myself to try and meet new people but it's come to nothing.
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ratsoalbion
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Re: Mental Health

Post by ratsoalbion »

I'm so sorry to hear you had such a hard time, but I'm equally happy to hear you got the help, medicine and therapy you needed.
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markfm007
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Re: Mental Health

Post by markfm007 »

Appreciate people sharing in here. I've had a rough week or so, been sick and fatigued. It's just about passed now but it definitely takes its toll mentally as well as physically. Going to try and take this weekend to refresh, get out the house a bit and take stock.
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Seph
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Seph »

Last year wasn't a great one for me. I got a new job and moved to a new country, and while my living situation is fine (though a little isolating), I really don't like the job I'm doing and especially the company I work for. To add more to this, my mum died a few months into the job, which meant I had to go home. Not only was this the worst thing that has ever happened in my life, but I also had to travel halfway across the world at an enormous cost due to the last minute arrangement.

This is where it gets angry and my hatred and despair with my job blew up. When I mentioned it to my manager, I was given very little help or support. It seems like this company has no policy for this happening and it's even worse because I'm technically a contractor and not an employee, so they care even less. It doesn't matter what my contract says, if I work for you, you should give a shit. Based on some messages I've seen and an overall feeling about the situation, it seems like initial reaction from the company was to fire me because I needed to go home. I have no confirmation of this because, even six months later, no one in upper management or any company rep has contacted me about it. Not even some copy and paste sympathies. Nothing. So, I'm in a stressful situation made worse because now I feel pressured to return to work ASAP (which I did, I only took two weeks off) and I'm getting no help from anyone.

When I did return to work, no one talked to me about it. No one in management, no one at the company, no one who works at my level. Nobody. I'm not sure how many people know, but if someone I worked with suddenly disappeared for two weeks with no notice I'd at least ask what was going on. With the people who did know, I got maybe a short message, but no one talked to me in person. Someone did say to me that they didn't know if to say anything, but I said I would rather people mentioned it than not say anything. That still got nothing. This is not something you just "get over", but people showing that they actually give a fuck is a small boost. I hate these people because they just don't fucking care. I pretty much only talk to people now when I need to. I'm leaving this job soon because I have a new one starting in a few months. I have no idea why I stayed here even this long, but I was basically running on autopilot for months and I'm only seeing this through because I'm living in another country and the company owns my flat. Even when I made my intention to leave this job clear, my manager was still pressuring me to sign a new contract. She's talked to me more about this than my mum dying. Fuck you. Why the fuck would anyone treat me how they have and expect me to stay? I'm not desperate to work there. I also say a message on the notice boards which said something like "If you're having a bad day, don't let it show on your face" or something like that. Fuck off with that bullshit. How about you support and care about people first.

What I will say is that if you know anyone who goes through this situation, say something to them. Don't leave someone on their own and assume someone else will do that job, because they probably won't. This is not to say that I didn't get good replies from people, because I did and it was great to get that. I was disappointed by how few people actually reached out. The whole situation has made me realise that family are better than friends; because since then I can't move for messages and things from family. Most friends are temporary and, for the most part, don't really give a shit about you once you're at a distance. It's annoying because I've always gone out my way for people, but it's clear that this meant fuck all to them.

Anyway, that's me right now. I'm not completely full of despair and anger, but I'm still in a situation I can't wait to put behind me and a bunch of people I hope to never see again.
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Truk_Kurt
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Truk_Kurt »

Seph wrote: January 8th, 2024, 3:07 am Last year wasn't a great one for me. I got a new job and moved to a new country, and while my living situation is fine (though a little isolating), I really don't like the job I'm doing and especially the company I work for. To add more to this, my mum died a few months into the job, which meant I had to go home. Not only was this the worst thing that has ever happened in my life, but I also had to travel halfway across the world at an enormous cost due to the last minute arrangement.

This is where it gets angry and my hatred and despair with my job blew up. When I mentioned it to my manager, I was given very little help or support. It seems like this company has no policy for this happening and it's even worse because I'm technically a contractor and not an employee, so they care even less. It doesn't matter what my contract says, if I work for you, you should give a shit. Based on some messages I've seen and an overall feeling about the situation, it seems like initial reaction from the company was to fire me because I needed to go home. I have no confirmation of this because, even six months later, no one in upper management or any company rep has contacted me about it. Not even some copy and paste sympathies. Nothing. So, I'm in a stressful situation made worse because now I feel pressured to return to work ASAP (which I did, I only took two weeks off) and I'm getting no help from anyone.

When I did return to work, no one talked to me about it. No one in management, no one at the company, no one who works at my level. Nobody. I'm not sure how many people know, but if someone I worked with suddenly disappeared for two weeks with no notice I'd at least ask what was going on. With the people who did know, I got maybe a short message, but no one talked to me in person. Someone did say to me that they didn't know if to say anything, but I said I would rather people mentioned it than not say anything. That still got nothing. This is not something you just "get over", but people showing that they actually give a fuck is a small boost. I hate these people because they just don't fucking care. I pretty much only talk to people now when I need to. I'm leaving this job soon because I have a new one starting in a few months. I have no idea why I stayed here even this long, but I was basically running on autopilot for months and I'm only seeing this through because I'm living in another country and the company owns my flat. Even when I made my intention to leave this job clear, my manager was still pressuring me to sign a new contract. She's talked to me more about this than my mum dying. Fuck you. Why the fuck would anyone treat me how they have and expect me to stay? I'm not desperate to work there. I also say a message on the notice boards which said something like "If you're having a bad day, don't let it show on your face" or something like that. Fuck off with that bullshit. How about you support and care about people first.

What I will say is that if you know anyone who goes through this situation, say something to them. Don't leave someone on their own and assume someone else will do that job, because they probably won't. This is not to say that I didn't get good replies from people, because I did and it was great to get that. I was disappointed by how few people actually reached out. The whole situation has made me realise that family are better than friends; because since then I can't move for messages and things from family. Most friends are temporary and, for the most part, don't really give a shit about you once you're at a distance. It's annoying because I've always gone out my way for people, but it's clear that this meant fuck all to them.

Anyway, that's me right now. I'm not completely full of despair and anger, but I'm still in a situation I can't wait to put behind me and a bunch of people I hope to never see again.
Well, despite the lack of sympathy from your work, I would like to extend my deepest sympathies to you about your Mum. I can't imagine what that is like and am frankly dreading the day when that happens to my own Mum.

Your workplace sounds particularly bad, even the worst place I worked (which wasn't that bas really, I just found the work dull) had good people working there and in charge who were very sympathetic to situations such as bereavement. I'm pleased for you that you will be able to get out of there soon, will you be in the same country or moving again?

Whilst I aven't moved countries, I have moved around the UK for jobs and can totally relate to the feeling of isolation. Despite my best efforts with trying to attend Meetup groups and other things, I am pretty rubbish at making new friends in a new area like now in Birmingham and after nearly 2 years of experiencing severe lonliness I made the decision at Christmas to move back to Derbyshire where my friends and family are as I couldn't carry on living like this in Birmingham anymoe. Thankfully work are allowing me to remote work from there (see, EA aren't always bad) which I'm very grateful for.

Again, my condolences to you and I hope things improve for you in 2024.
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Seph
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Re: Mental Health

Post by Seph »

Cheers for that, I'm looking forward now and I'm hoping this year can only be better. Being a pessimistic person, every time someone from back home contacted me I feared the worst, so when it happened it was really weird. I've worked for some shitty places in the UK too, but I know even the worst place I was at would have handled this better.

I'm staying in Japan for the next job, but it's only a four-month stint. After that, I'll probably head home. The problem is I technically don't have a home because of the obvious reason, so I'm really not sure. I'm hoping the pieces will fall into place by then. I've always moved for jobs, and while it's not been amazing every time, I've at least been able to find a good group of people to be around. This isn't one of them. It also doesn't help that my current work hours are trash and mean that I finish on weekdays at 8,30pm and I work every weekend. You can't have a social life with that. The next job will be around Tokyo, so being in a huge city should be easier as it's more international and there will be a lot more going on.
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