Addiction and recovery

[Zero Sum]

Hello. This is not a bot or spam. I am a normal form user who has made another account because to be honest I'm too embarrassed to use my regular account. It's reasonably likely the admin can see who I am through IP address or something but I have every faith they would respect my confidentiality.

I'm writing this on day five of acute withdrawal from codeine. I've been addicted to this drug for over 14 years, and decided enough was enough. The lying, the money, the potential health issues. It all started when I was prescribed strong painkillers for injuring my arm and I just never stopped taking them. Long after the prescription ran out, I'd buy them from people I knew or get lower strength tablets over the counter and just take more and more of them.

The UK is in a real mess with OTC opioid abuse. A lot of countries have banned general sale, but not us. And I'm not blaming anyone but myself here, but they're so easy to get. I became a master of using different shops and if one shop became suspicious I'd avoid them for a couple of months. I'd lie and say they were for other people, work colleagues, whatever I could say to make sure I could get my hands on them.

I've spent five days feeling like death. Barely able to move. Haven't eaten since Monday and my stomach is in turmoil. It's difficult to describe just how bad proper withdrawal feels.

My head is currently torn in two. Half of me thinks I could just go and get some, surely a little bit couldn't hurt, perhaps it was a mistake to just stop dead like this. Maybe a little bit would make me feel better. Help me sleep even. Make me feel human again. The other half of me is thinking no, don't do it, you've come this far, why put yourself through this hell again, surely you'll be feeling better soon.

I've read tiny bits here and there on the forum over the years from people talking about addiction and wondered if anyone else has been through similar. Although I appreciate the irony of asking other people to speak up whilst not being brave enough to do it under my own name. Anyway, I suppose I'm also writing this to get my thoughts out somewhere and hope it's enough to stop me going to do something I'll regret. Thanks for reading.

[ratsoalbion]

Hey Zero Sum. thank you for sharing.

This sounds really tough for you.

I have only got through addictions to cigarettes and alcohol - nothing as extreme as what you're going through - but I found distraction was key. Just trying to keep doing stuff that at least keeps some part of your brain thinking about something other than those desires.

All I can say is that your resolve will ultimately be rewarded. The pain now will be worth the satisfaction and improved quality of life later.

Do you have someone local who you can talk to face-to-face when you're feeling tempted?

[Truk_Kurt]

Wishing you all the best Zero Sum and I think you are doing the right thing by continuing to resist temptation.

I was (and still am a bit) anorexic and part of that is addiction to exercise. Tbh I still am, I find it really hard to allow myself time to rest and recover so I could really take inspiration from you and begin to see how much better I feel by allowing myself to rest.

[Zero Sum]

Thank you both, appreciate the replies.

Funnily enough Leon I am surrounded by drug counsellors in my professional life and will likely speak with one when I'm back in work next week. I'm hoping that maybe I can get some support without it being made known to the entire workforce, but if not, I've made my bed, I suppose I have to lie in it. Thanks again for the replies and support.

[terassda]

Wish you all your bestgeometry dash subzero. I could definitely use your example as motivation to start letting myself to relax and notice how much better I feel. I find it incredibly difficult to give myself time to rest and recuperate.